Committment....

"Commitment: continuing to do something you said you would, long after the emotion you said it in has passed."

I had a dear friend share this with me tonight as we were chatting on facebook. I want to remember it. I want to be committed to taking my meds for anxiety. I want to remember that I have to take them so that I can have balance in my life.

As I was talking with my friend I realized that I was doing the same thing that I disliked in my mother by not taking my meds.

I will take my meds every day.... I will make changes to insure that I am taking care of my physical, mental and emotional health so that I can acheive balance in my life.

Anxiety.....

I had an anxiety attack today at church today... I had to leave just after the sacrament program by the primary. One of the kids read another kids part on accident. The little kid had written his own talk and then wasn't able to give it because I had my new counselor help the kids at the pulpit. She didn't know all the kids names so she had the older child read the wrong part. I feel like such a failure as a leader. I should have got up and stopped him but I didn't have a copy of the program because I had given mine to a teacher. Anways, I am just embarrassed now and I want to hide.....

I hate that I am so emotional... I hate that I can't control my emotions.... I hate anxiety attacks, tears and especially when I have to watch a child cry......

Birthday's come once a year....

Since I didn't have access to a camera this year I am posting a picture of my birthday cake last
year.

I am amazed that I made it to 39 years already. I don't feel this old mentally or emotionally. I still feel like I teenager sometimes. Maybe I liked those years the best. I don't know.

I envisioned my life differently when I was younger... I always thought I would be a stay at home mom with 5 or 6 children....But I truly have been blessed with many children to love. I have the privelege of being an Aunt to 20 neices and nephews. I love to be around them and watch them grow. I love that their parents allow me to be a part of their lives. I love each one of them a lot.

I am grateful that I have been blessed with an amazing husband. Brett is so kind and caring. He spoils me and puts up with so much. He is patient and understanding. He is helpful and I love him.

I am grateful that I have a home to live in. I am grateful that I have a job. I am grateful for my health. I am grateful for the challenges that I have been blessed to endure and for the many things that I have learned from them in my life.

I am grateful for my family ---both on my side and Brett's side of the family. I have been blessed with some amazing examples to look to help me on this journey on earth.

I am grateful for my parents for giving me life. I have learned a lot from them and I am a better person for having them as my parents.

I am grateful for all my mom suffered to bring me into this world. I can only imagine the pain that she had to go through during labor and delivery. I am grateful for her example and her love.

I am grateful for good friends. I am looking forward to the next 39 years and having the chance to set new goals and dream new dreams.

Profound wisdom....

Smile when you want to...

Cry when you need to...

Laugh whenever possible!!!!

Fall Pictures 2008

We tried to go take pictures of the fall colors in 2009

but we got their too late and my camera needed

some mending. I just decided to share some old

pictures from happier days in 2008.

I really miss my camera.......

Camera

My camera has become like a part of the family...
It is off to the camera hospital for two weeks to be cleaned and fixed...
I feel sad but hope that it will work better when I get it back...

I