2009 What a year!!!

In 2008 as sisters we wrote down all of the things that we had accomplished. I still have the poster hanging up in my hallway. It reminds me of so many memories that I experienced in 2008.

This year I have started a bucket list of things I want to accomplish or do in my lifetime. I will write those down here after the new year so that I can have a visual to remind me of all I want to do.

2009 has been a great year. It had it's challenges but so many wonderful things happened as well. Today I chose to focus on the wonderful things. Here's just a few that pop into my head.

1. I celebrated my 11 wedding anniversary with my loving husband Brett. We went back to our honeymoon spot at the Little America Hotel. We stayed three days and had a wonderful time. We had some of the most amazing french pastries and had fun trying some of the pastry shops in downtown Salt Lake City.

2. Brett had his shoulder surgery. I was able to be a nurse maid. I grew so much as I was able to serve him every day. My love for him grew deeper. I learned to appreciate all the little things that he does for me everyday.

3. I had my hystrectomy. I am so grateful for a wonderful doctor/surgeon who performed the surgery that has changed my life. I am grateful for my quick recovery. I am grateful for Laralynn spending the night with me and helping me to come out of the anesthecia. I am grateful to Steve for shredding the papers in our basement. Steve taught Brett how to give me a great foot rub. I am grateful for Brett taking such good care of me.

4. I learned what I needed to do to stay off the subsidy report at work and for 4 pay periods in a row I was an A keyer. I learned what I needed to do to give myself a pay raise without working myself to death.

5. I learned that taking my anxiety medicine is imperative for my physical and mental health. I am grateful for all the helping hands that lifted me up during this time.

6. I dressed up for Halloween. I made my own costume. I sewed Allie's Hannah Montana shirt for her costume.

7. I took Allie and Ellee to their first concert. I rocked out to Miley Cyrus with them.

8. I attended two Jonas Brothers concerts this year. I planned a spontaneous trip with Brett to one of them. I rocked out with the teenagers.

9. I attended my first Honor Society concert and got to meet the group and have my picture taken with them.

10. I helped plan and host the most amazing Hatfield reunion ever. I got to sew aprons for the kids. I got to capture memories with my camera.

11. I took my first semi professional family photo. I think the pictures of Jan's family turned out great.

12. I finally had two of my pictures professionally printed out and hung them up in my house to display.

13. I have continued writing a blog. I get to share thoughts and feelings with family and friends.

14. I had the most amazing christmas this year. It was simple, fun and met my expectations.

15. I attended the funeral of my Uncle Jerry and felt connected to my relatives. I acted upon the impression that I should go say goodbye to him and I had a beautiful memory of this day.

16. I decorated my mom's grave on December 12th. It was a beautiful experience.

17. I helped teach my neices and nephews how to sew. I got to help and watch Laralynn share her amazing gift with them.

18. I made Lisa's costume for Swiss days. It was so empowering and a ton of fun.

19. I took some amazing shots of Tyler's football games. I got to watch him pancake a guy.

20. I had the chance to take some amazing photo's up Provo Canyon and in wellsville with Brett. I got to enjoy nature.

21. I got to take my neices and nephews to the movie and take a nap with Ellee and Aubrie.

22. I got to have a sleepover at Aubrie, Allie, Jan and Justin's home.

23. Brett and I purchased our time share with Disney Vacation Club.

24. Brett and I booked the rooms for my birthday celebration in October 2010.

25. We bought a new "used" car. We were able to say No to a car deal that wasn't what we wanted and we walked away.

I could go on and on and I think I will over the next few days.

What have you accomplished this year? What can you cross off your bucket list? What are you most proud of that happened in 2009? What are you going to do in 2010? What are your dreams?

Dreams can become a reality when we write them down. They become tangible goals to work towards. I am grateful for an amazing year and I look forward to the endless possibilities for 2010.

Love, Karalee

Christmas has arrived.....

It was amazing to me this year after I wrote down the things I loved about christmas to see how I was able to incorporate the majority of them into this season.

I had to work in the office last tuesday because of my internet problem (which by the way is fixed now) and one of the things I loved about working in an office was the christmas goodies. Jan had texted me asking if I had been able to have any christmas goodies but no one had brought any in. I texted her back telling her this and then about five minutes later one of my coworkers brought me a stocking full of little christmas goodies.... amazing!!!!

Another of my favorite things about christmas is wrapping presents but I hadn't had the chance yet this year. Well, last night at Brett's parents Alva asked me to wrap the presents he had bought for my nieces and nephews so I got to do that as well.

Brett surprised me with a disneyland bear and a jonas brothers concert dvd. What a fun christmas.

I will post some pictures later but I am ready for a long christmas morning nap.

I love you.

Love, Karalee

Expecting good things

Today I have to go in the office because my internet service & my work computer aren't playing well together. They just keep fighting. Brett is going to stay at home today and try to get the internet service to play nice. I am taking my work computer back to it's home so it will decide that it can and will play nice with the internet service when I return home.

Yes, I am feeling a little crazy this morning. I think lack of sleep does that to a person.

I am expecting good things to come to me today. All the fighting between my internet and work computer will cease when I return home and they will play nice.

I hope you are having a wonderful christmas season.

I get the amazing privelege of attending Allie's christmas concert today. I know that it will put me in a holiday spirit.

Now it's off to work.....

Love, Me - Karalee

Christmas Expectations....

Well, I didn't get off work until midnight so I was to tired to write last night.
So here it goes....

I am a little more meloncholy this morning so I hope this comes together. Today is the two year anniversary of my mom's death. I am sad but grateful to try and celebrate her life.

So back to thursday....

I finally had some inspiration on what I could give my neices and nephews for christmas....
As I was working on the project I was trying to use things that I already had so I sat down at my scrapbook desk and started looking through my collection of supplies.... I came across a lot of stuff that was my mom's. After I made a selection of the items that would work for each project I took the items back to my other desk to begin. As I started to create their presents and use items I had seen my mom use many times when we scrapbooked together I felt inspiration as I placed each item together. As I completed the items I felt good that she would have approved of each one.

I felt a closeness to my mom. I appreciated all the qualities that she possesed. She loved to create and perserve memories. She was a creative woman. I realized that I had inherited some of her creative qualities. Our styles and interests are different but for a moment we were the same.

I have reflected again and again this year of the last few days of her life. I remember that I spent the night on Sunday December 9th with her. I was there when some of her extended family came to visit. I shared tears and happy memories with the people who loved her.
I remember that night as we were preparing to go to sleep I asked if she wanted to say a prayer. She said a beautiful prayer. She was grateful for her family and all those who visited. She expressed her gratitude for her Savior. In a sense she bore her testimony to me through a simple prayer. I am grateful that I got to share this moment with her.

I remember just wanting to hold her hand. I felt an amazing amount of love. The next day they came and did the bone marrow test to rule out cancer. Just shortly after the test she quit talking. I don't ever remember hearing her voice clear like I did when she had prayed the night before.

I will be eternally grateful for my sisters, their families, my cousins, uncles, aunts and the sweet nurses who were there for us as we laughed, cried and hugged each other during the last hours of our sweet angel mothers life.

I am grateful she was my mother. Today I know that she loves me. I know she is proud of the life I am living. I know she is busy working on the other side but every now and then I can feel her influence in my life as I go about my every day living.

Now, I don't know if my neices and nephews will understand the hidden meanings in my gifts but I will every time I see them. Their grandma loved them so much and she loved her four daughters, four son in laws, her extended family, her two brothers and sister. She had a capacity to love that was amazing. She didn't always like what you did but she always loved you.

So as I close this post I want to say, "I love you mom. I miss you and Merry Christmas".

Christmas Expectations....

So after the amazing advice from my sisters I have set out on an adventure to meet my own christmas expectations.

On Wednesday after my doctors appointment we went and saw christmas lights and sang christmas carols in the car. So I can check that off my list.

I will write more about last night when I get off work.

Christmas Expectations....

So Laralynn challenged me to write out my expectations for christmas to help me get in a holiday mood.

This past week I have been feeling a little down. It is the 2nd anniversary of my mom's death on Saturday. Christmas changed for me when she died. The two biggest people that have influenced how I view christmas traditions and expections are my Mom and my Grandma Hatfield. They both died in December. My grandma Hatfield died on her birthday December 11th and My Mom died December 12th.

As a child I always knew what to expect from christmas. We would keep busy making holiday treats to deliver to all of our neighbors. We made homemade chocolates (delicious), divinity, fudge, homemade sweet breads, etc etc. We would usually finish up the holiday treats just a couple of hours before we went to my grandparents home for a holiday party.

After the party one year I remember we washed the windows and cleaned the house in preparation for Santa's arrival the next morning. I remember sharing a bed with my three sisters. We would talk about what we thought we were going to receive and just how early we could wake up our parents so we could go see the presents we had received.

I remember my mother always decorated the tree so beautifully as a child. She had a gift for that. I am sure the rest of the family helped out as well. One year I remember we had two trees. The upstairs was our fake tree and the downstairs was a real tree.

My mother always believed in spoiling us at christmas. One year she bought so many presents that she kept some in reserve and every few weeks she would leave one on the front porch for us to find. She always did Christmas big. It continued even after we were all grown and married. Brett has told me he was a bit overwhelmed the first christmas he spent with me just before we got married because mom bought He and I so many presents. He was used to a much smaller christmas.

Now, I feel my mother learned how to do christmas from her mother. Grandma Hatfield loved the holidays. From my earliest memory as a child I remember spending Christmas Eve at Grandma Hatfields. We always ate Chili and Ham with Grandma's homemade rolls (usually burnt but oh so delicious). Everyone would bring a side dish to go with them. We usually ate the dinner on grandmas's china & used these adorable gold colored glasses to drink out of. (I got to keep these glasses when she died and I inherited a china set from Brett's mother and father that is the exact same pattern as Grandma Hatfields).

Grandma would spend several days cooking the huge pot of beans for the chili. Whenver we stopped buy she would have us stir the beans in the pot. She made these rice krispie wreaths for every family as well.

Santa always showed up at Grandma's house. It seemed to us that he was the real santa because he always looked the same. He would sing songs with us and then remind us about the real reason we celebrate christmas. He was a tall and jolly old elf. We always got to sit on his lap and then he would give us a candy cane filled with little chocolate candies. We exchanged gifts as cousins and then we would take turns opening them. Grandma and Grandpa always gave us a special gift that we got to open christmas eve as well.

A few times I remember making homemade vanilla ice cream in their old ice cream maker. I remember many a christmas eve spent in Craig's old bedroom talking with my cousins and trying to sneak a peak out the window looking for Santa. We as cousins took turns doing the dishes so that Santa could arrive.

I remember Grandma's tree. It was always a tall tree with few branches. They usually waited just a few days before christmas to get the tree. She had beautiful ornaments and I have inherited a few of those as well. I remember she had a tree that held pieces of chocolate candies. You could spin the tree around and then pick a piece of candy off.

As I got older I remember taking Grandma to the grocery store on christmas eve. She would meet all her friends and neighbors and just loved catching up or wishing them a merry christmas. She had the gift of gab. I know she wasn't perfect but in my faded memories she always made christmas so special. I always knew I had a place to go to be with my family. I was surrounded by my loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters and parents. I felt loved. I thought all families were like this. Grandma had a small house but there was always room for all of us. We just sat a little closer and I knew I had the best family on earth.

I think that is what is so hard for me since my mom died. I feel a loss not knowing what I will do on christmas eve and christmas day. I know that my sisters would let me come to their houses but it's not the same. I miss my mom so much. We didn't always get a long and I was a pain in her side. I didn't appreciate the gifts she would pick out for me. I was never quite satisfied. I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted or needed.

I didn't appreciate what an amazing mother she was until now. She loved me and my sisters and our families so much. She would hand pick an ornament for each of us. She would spend hours shopping (just ask Jan) to make sure she got just the right one. Jan helped her with so many projects the last few years of her life. One she made christmas trees that went on the front of a jar filled with candy. Brett kept this at his desk at work always filled with candy for about a year.


Jan & Justin have started a tradtion where they invite us all to their house on saturday in December to make christmas treats (Justin's family did this when he was growing up). I think the first christmas we did it was just a week or so before my mom died (correct me if I am wrong sisters?) It snowed really bad and Laralynn and Steve weren't able to make it out of their neighborhood but Brett and I braved the snow packed roads and we had a wonderful time. Last year we did it again just a couple days after Brett and I returned from our trip to Florida. It was again a fun memory. We will be getting together again on December 19th to make yummy christmas treats.

So I guess I should get to my expectations for christmas. What makes christmas special for me? What are Brett and I's new tradtions? It's hard being in a two person family. Christmas for me is about seeing the joy on child's face when they unwrap their christmas present or when someone has listened all year long to what I have said I am interested in and then they surprise me with that for christmas.

Brett's parents did this for me last year. I love to read and they remembered one of my favorite authors is Anita Stansfield. They picked up her latest book and gave it to me. I remember once when I worked at IC Group we exchanged secret santa gifts. One of my coworkers had seen me admiring one of her vaction photo's of a sunset by the ocean. She had my name so she had it blown up and framed. I still have it hanging in my bathroom.

I like Christmas surprises. I like it when those that love me surprise me.

I like to give christmas suprises. I try to pay attention to what those I love talk about and if it's possible I try to get that for them.

I love to drive around and see the christmas light displays.

I love nativities. I love to take them out and display them. I love unique nativities from different countries.

I love christmas tv specials...the sappier the better. I love trying to watch all my favorites...like "White Christmas, Santa Clause 1,2 & 3., Santa Baby, Charlie Brown's Christmas special, etc, etc, etc.

I like to listen to Christmas music.

I like to sing Christmas carols with the words "Aleluia, Aleluia (pardon my spelling)

I like christmas chocolate, christmas cookies(there are these ones that come in a blue tin & they are a shortbread cookie I think..those are my favorite).

I like to recieve christmas cards with stories about the families activities that year.
I like to take pictures of people doing christmas activities.

I love to wrap presents.

I like to shop on christmas eve.

I like to have a special christmas breakfast (waffles with strawberries and ice cream, sausage, and orange julius).

I want a white christmas.

I want to be "HOME" for christmas.

These are all things that I love about christmas but I am not sure which ones have to be done so that it will be great christmas for me. I still don't know what traditions Brett and I should start. I don't think he really cares what we do as long as he gets to eat sausage on christmas morning... I wish that's all it took for me....

Tranchell Treat day.....

2008 Gingerbread houses....
Karalee and Laralynn

The whole family dipping marshmellows in carmel...

Christmas's at the Mackay's

Brett hanging out with Eric and Savannah. I picked this picture because I love to see my hubby with kids. He would have made an amazing Dad. I wish we could have had kids because he is so much fun. It seems to me that all his neices and nephews love him. He is just a grown up kid. He can make them laugh and smile.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

No this not this year. This was a few years back. Our branches of our tree touched the ground. We got them trimmed last spring so now we don't have this problem. But doesn't it look all pretty...

Snow....

This is our neighbors tree but doesn't it look pretty with the snow on it....

Thanksgiving....

My dad sent a neat story today about being thankful. In the story it suggessted writing a list of things you are grateful for depending on what day thanksgiving falls on. So today is the 26th so I made a list of 26 things I am grateful for.

1. Brett
2. Sisters - Laralynn, Lisa and Jan
3. Dad Ostler
4. Mom and Dad Mackay
5. Brother and sisters in law (Stephen, Taun, Justin, Alva, Lee, Jennie, Richard, Virginia,Eric, Jeannette
6. Neices and Nephews - all 20 of you...
7. Mom Ostler
8. Camera
9. Relatives
10. Good friends
11. Warm house
12. Hot Showers
13. Employment
14. 40th Birthday vacation
15. Nature
16. Music - Jonas Brothers, Honor Society, Michael Bublee, etc etc
17. Health
18. glasses
19. Water
20. Memories
21. Sister day
22. Christmas movies
23. Food
24. Chocolate
25. Computer
26. Email and Facebook

I am sure I could go on but there's my list...What are you thankful for?

Cleaning

Ok so I finally finished the cleaning. It wasn't easy or fun but I do feel grateful for a clean and almost clutter free home. My bedroom and spare bedroom aren't perfect yet but we filled up the garbage can.

Cleaning???????

Cleaning is overated. I need your top ten reasons why I should love cleaning my house. I am having a hard time getting myself motivated to finish cleaning my house so the family can come for thanksgiving. I have done a little in each room. I keep getting distracted when I return items back to their places.

So give me your top ten reasons why I should clean my house...

I am making a top ten reasons why i should NOT clean my house....

1. Dust makes me feel congested.

2. I am allergic to the cleaning products. They give me a headache.

3. The cobwebs are my decorations for next halloween....

4. If I dust then I can't leave messages for Brett.

5. If I do the dishes then I will have to cook.

6. If I sweep the floor then my new broom won't be new anymore.

7. If I clean the toilet then my science experiment will be ruined. I would have to start all over..

8. If I put the clutter away then I will have to eat dinner at the table instead of in front of the TV.... I would miss all my shows....

9. If I liked cleaning then Ellee would like cleaning....Being a good example takes to much time...

10. Then I would have to get up an anwer the door and let my friends and family visit....I wouldn't have anymore excuses...

Ok. If you can come up with ten better reasons why I should clean then I will consider finishing the cleaning of my house... Bring it on....

Success....

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
by Marianne Williamson


I heard this quoted in a movie I watched last night and it was inspiring to me and I wanted to record it here so I could remember it....

Committment....

"Commitment: continuing to do something you said you would, long after the emotion you said it in has passed."

I had a dear friend share this with me tonight as we were chatting on facebook. I want to remember it. I want to be committed to taking my meds for anxiety. I want to remember that I have to take them so that I can have balance in my life.

As I was talking with my friend I realized that I was doing the same thing that I disliked in my mother by not taking my meds.

I will take my meds every day.... I will make changes to insure that I am taking care of my physical, mental and emotional health so that I can acheive balance in my life.

Anxiety.....

I had an anxiety attack today at church today... I had to leave just after the sacrament program by the primary. One of the kids read another kids part on accident. The little kid had written his own talk and then wasn't able to give it because I had my new counselor help the kids at the pulpit. She didn't know all the kids names so she had the older child read the wrong part. I feel like such a failure as a leader. I should have got up and stopped him but I didn't have a copy of the program because I had given mine to a teacher. Anways, I am just embarrassed now and I want to hide.....

I hate that I am so emotional... I hate that I can't control my emotions.... I hate anxiety attacks, tears and especially when I have to watch a child cry......

Birthday's come once a year....

Since I didn't have access to a camera this year I am posting a picture of my birthday cake last
year.

I am amazed that I made it to 39 years already. I don't feel this old mentally or emotionally. I still feel like I teenager sometimes. Maybe I liked those years the best. I don't know.

I envisioned my life differently when I was younger... I always thought I would be a stay at home mom with 5 or 6 children....But I truly have been blessed with many children to love. I have the privelege of being an Aunt to 20 neices and nephews. I love to be around them and watch them grow. I love that their parents allow me to be a part of their lives. I love each one of them a lot.

I am grateful that I have been blessed with an amazing husband. Brett is so kind and caring. He spoils me and puts up with so much. He is patient and understanding. He is helpful and I love him.

I am grateful that I have a home to live in. I am grateful that I have a job. I am grateful for my health. I am grateful for the challenges that I have been blessed to endure and for the many things that I have learned from them in my life.

I am grateful for my family ---both on my side and Brett's side of the family. I have been blessed with some amazing examples to look to help me on this journey on earth.

I am grateful for my parents for giving me life. I have learned a lot from them and I am a better person for having them as my parents.

I am grateful for all my mom suffered to bring me into this world. I can only imagine the pain that she had to go through during labor and delivery. I am grateful for her example and her love.

I am grateful for good friends. I am looking forward to the next 39 years and having the chance to set new goals and dream new dreams.

Profound wisdom....

Smile when you want to...

Cry when you need to...

Laugh whenever possible!!!!

Fall Pictures 2008

We tried to go take pictures of the fall colors in 2009

but we got their too late and my camera needed

some mending. I just decided to share some old

pictures from happier days in 2008.

I really miss my camera.......

Camera

My camera has become like a part of the family...
It is off to the camera hospital for two weeks to be cleaned and fixed...
I feel sad but hope that it will work better when I get it back...

I

Miley Concert Day....has arrived

I get the amazing privilege of taking

Ellee and Allie

to their first concert.....

I am so excited... We are going to rock out...

Sing, Dance and just have a good time together...

See you in a few hours.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLIE

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday Dear Allie....

Happy Birthday to you...

Hope you have an awesome birthday...

Sam's first photo shoot...Sept. 19, 2009

Sam Flint Barton
All the kids helping him to laugh....

I'm cute...

My first bear

given to me by

Uncle Stephen

Look mom...I am standing...

Workin the tongue...

The tails...
from my first tux..

Here I come...

Precious smile....

Working that tongue again...

Yes, I am adorable...

Uncle Stephen giving me my first beanie..

Sam and Aubrie...

I think I am going to eat your tie....

Sleeping....

Sweet angel baby....

Just catching some zzzzz

He must be tired from all the pictures...

It was fun taking his picture...

Barton Clan

Wes, Cabe, Taun, Sam and Jay
4 generations....
Grandma Barton, Sam, Taun, Grandmother Anderson

The proud parents
Lisa and Taun
Look how cute Sam's smile is....

Sam's baby blessing - September 19,2009

He looks like an angel...
All the men who helped in the blessing...

Grandma and Grandpa Barton with Sam

Grandpa Barton whispering secrets into Sam's ears...

Ellee and Allie

Sam

Justin, Jag, Aubrie, Jan and Brett

Stephen, Laralynn and Jag

Here's just a sampling of the pictures I took at Sam's baby blessing.

My first family photo shoot.....

I had a great time taking pictures of Jan and her family on Labor day. I still have a lot to to learn about taking pictures of people. I am grateful for the practice...

Mackay's

Olivia and Savannah
Royce

Olivia and Savannah

Just thinking about

Eric, Savannah, Royce and Olivia today...

Wondering how they are?

Happy Birthday Ellee

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR ELLEE....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.....

SHE'S SEVEN TODAY!!

We love you!!