Christmas Expectations....

Well, I didn't get off work until midnight so I was to tired to write last night.
So here it goes....

I am a little more meloncholy this morning so I hope this comes together. Today is the two year anniversary of my mom's death. I am sad but grateful to try and celebrate her life.

So back to thursday....

I finally had some inspiration on what I could give my neices and nephews for christmas....
As I was working on the project I was trying to use things that I already had so I sat down at my scrapbook desk and started looking through my collection of supplies.... I came across a lot of stuff that was my mom's. After I made a selection of the items that would work for each project I took the items back to my other desk to begin. As I started to create their presents and use items I had seen my mom use many times when we scrapbooked together I felt inspiration as I placed each item together. As I completed the items I felt good that she would have approved of each one.

I felt a closeness to my mom. I appreciated all the qualities that she possesed. She loved to create and perserve memories. She was a creative woman. I realized that I had inherited some of her creative qualities. Our styles and interests are different but for a moment we were the same.

I have reflected again and again this year of the last few days of her life. I remember that I spent the night on Sunday December 9th with her. I was there when some of her extended family came to visit. I shared tears and happy memories with the people who loved her.
I remember that night as we were preparing to go to sleep I asked if she wanted to say a prayer. She said a beautiful prayer. She was grateful for her family and all those who visited. She expressed her gratitude for her Savior. In a sense she bore her testimony to me through a simple prayer. I am grateful that I got to share this moment with her.

I remember just wanting to hold her hand. I felt an amazing amount of love. The next day they came and did the bone marrow test to rule out cancer. Just shortly after the test she quit talking. I don't ever remember hearing her voice clear like I did when she had prayed the night before.

I will be eternally grateful for my sisters, their families, my cousins, uncles, aunts and the sweet nurses who were there for us as we laughed, cried and hugged each other during the last hours of our sweet angel mothers life.

I am grateful she was my mother. Today I know that she loves me. I know she is proud of the life I am living. I know she is busy working on the other side but every now and then I can feel her influence in my life as I go about my every day living.

Now, I don't know if my neices and nephews will understand the hidden meanings in my gifts but I will every time I see them. Their grandma loved them so much and she loved her four daughters, four son in laws, her extended family, her two brothers and sister. She had a capacity to love that was amazing. She didn't always like what you did but she always loved you.

So as I close this post I want to say, "I love you mom. I miss you and Merry Christmas".