Christmas Expectations....

So Laralynn challenged me to write out my expectations for christmas to help me get in a holiday mood.

This past week I have been feeling a little down. It is the 2nd anniversary of my mom's death on Saturday. Christmas changed for me when she died. The two biggest people that have influenced how I view christmas traditions and expections are my Mom and my Grandma Hatfield. They both died in December. My grandma Hatfield died on her birthday December 11th and My Mom died December 12th.

As a child I always knew what to expect from christmas. We would keep busy making holiday treats to deliver to all of our neighbors. We made homemade chocolates (delicious), divinity, fudge, homemade sweet breads, etc etc. We would usually finish up the holiday treats just a couple of hours before we went to my grandparents home for a holiday party.

After the party one year I remember we washed the windows and cleaned the house in preparation for Santa's arrival the next morning. I remember sharing a bed with my three sisters. We would talk about what we thought we were going to receive and just how early we could wake up our parents so we could go see the presents we had received.

I remember my mother always decorated the tree so beautifully as a child. She had a gift for that. I am sure the rest of the family helped out as well. One year I remember we had two trees. The upstairs was our fake tree and the downstairs was a real tree.

My mother always believed in spoiling us at christmas. One year she bought so many presents that she kept some in reserve and every few weeks she would leave one on the front porch for us to find. She always did Christmas big. It continued even after we were all grown and married. Brett has told me he was a bit overwhelmed the first christmas he spent with me just before we got married because mom bought He and I so many presents. He was used to a much smaller christmas.

Now, I feel my mother learned how to do christmas from her mother. Grandma Hatfield loved the holidays. From my earliest memory as a child I remember spending Christmas Eve at Grandma Hatfields. We always ate Chili and Ham with Grandma's homemade rolls (usually burnt but oh so delicious). Everyone would bring a side dish to go with them. We usually ate the dinner on grandmas's china & used these adorable gold colored glasses to drink out of. (I got to keep these glasses when she died and I inherited a china set from Brett's mother and father that is the exact same pattern as Grandma Hatfields).

Grandma would spend several days cooking the huge pot of beans for the chili. Whenver we stopped buy she would have us stir the beans in the pot. She made these rice krispie wreaths for every family as well.

Santa always showed up at Grandma's house. It seemed to us that he was the real santa because he always looked the same. He would sing songs with us and then remind us about the real reason we celebrate christmas. He was a tall and jolly old elf. We always got to sit on his lap and then he would give us a candy cane filled with little chocolate candies. We exchanged gifts as cousins and then we would take turns opening them. Grandma and Grandpa always gave us a special gift that we got to open christmas eve as well.

A few times I remember making homemade vanilla ice cream in their old ice cream maker. I remember many a christmas eve spent in Craig's old bedroom talking with my cousins and trying to sneak a peak out the window looking for Santa. We as cousins took turns doing the dishes so that Santa could arrive.

I remember Grandma's tree. It was always a tall tree with few branches. They usually waited just a few days before christmas to get the tree. She had beautiful ornaments and I have inherited a few of those as well. I remember she had a tree that held pieces of chocolate candies. You could spin the tree around and then pick a piece of candy off.

As I got older I remember taking Grandma to the grocery store on christmas eve. She would meet all her friends and neighbors and just loved catching up or wishing them a merry christmas. She had the gift of gab. I know she wasn't perfect but in my faded memories she always made christmas so special. I always knew I had a place to go to be with my family. I was surrounded by my loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters and parents. I felt loved. I thought all families were like this. Grandma had a small house but there was always room for all of us. We just sat a little closer and I knew I had the best family on earth.

I think that is what is so hard for me since my mom died. I feel a loss not knowing what I will do on christmas eve and christmas day. I know that my sisters would let me come to their houses but it's not the same. I miss my mom so much. We didn't always get a long and I was a pain in her side. I didn't appreciate the gifts she would pick out for me. I was never quite satisfied. I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted or needed.

I didn't appreciate what an amazing mother she was until now. She loved me and my sisters and our families so much. She would hand pick an ornament for each of us. She would spend hours shopping (just ask Jan) to make sure she got just the right one. Jan helped her with so many projects the last few years of her life. One she made christmas trees that went on the front of a jar filled with candy. Brett kept this at his desk at work always filled with candy for about a year.


Jan & Justin have started a tradtion where they invite us all to their house on saturday in December to make christmas treats (Justin's family did this when he was growing up). I think the first christmas we did it was just a week or so before my mom died (correct me if I am wrong sisters?) It snowed really bad and Laralynn and Steve weren't able to make it out of their neighborhood but Brett and I braved the snow packed roads and we had a wonderful time. Last year we did it again just a couple days after Brett and I returned from our trip to Florida. It was again a fun memory. We will be getting together again on December 19th to make yummy christmas treats.

So I guess I should get to my expectations for christmas. What makes christmas special for me? What are Brett and I's new tradtions? It's hard being in a two person family. Christmas for me is about seeing the joy on child's face when they unwrap their christmas present or when someone has listened all year long to what I have said I am interested in and then they surprise me with that for christmas.

Brett's parents did this for me last year. I love to read and they remembered one of my favorite authors is Anita Stansfield. They picked up her latest book and gave it to me. I remember once when I worked at IC Group we exchanged secret santa gifts. One of my coworkers had seen me admiring one of her vaction photo's of a sunset by the ocean. She had my name so she had it blown up and framed. I still have it hanging in my bathroom.

I like Christmas surprises. I like it when those that love me surprise me.

I like to give christmas suprises. I try to pay attention to what those I love talk about and if it's possible I try to get that for them.

I love to drive around and see the christmas light displays.

I love nativities. I love to take them out and display them. I love unique nativities from different countries.

I love christmas tv specials...the sappier the better. I love trying to watch all my favorites...like "White Christmas, Santa Clause 1,2 & 3., Santa Baby, Charlie Brown's Christmas special, etc, etc, etc.

I like to listen to Christmas music.

I like to sing Christmas carols with the words "Aleluia, Aleluia (pardon my spelling)

I like christmas chocolate, christmas cookies(there are these ones that come in a blue tin & they are a shortbread cookie I think..those are my favorite).

I like to recieve christmas cards with stories about the families activities that year.
I like to take pictures of people doing christmas activities.

I love to wrap presents.

I like to shop on christmas eve.

I like to have a special christmas breakfast (waffles with strawberries and ice cream, sausage, and orange julius).

I want a white christmas.

I want to be "HOME" for christmas.

These are all things that I love about christmas but I am not sure which ones have to be done so that it will be great christmas for me. I still don't know what traditions Brett and I should start. I don't think he really cares what we do as long as he gets to eat sausage on christmas morning... I wish that's all it took for me....